Author: Kara Mae Adamo.
So I went on a mission today in Waterford Lakes.
Well, actually, let me back track. My mission started last night. Robby and I have entirely too many DVD’s (Damn those Walmart $5 bins–they suck you in. It’s like the black hole of bargain shopping.) Since we just recently moved to a new apartment, we decided that we should get a DVD rack in which to organize and display this sick obsession.
So after I got off work last night, I pried my boyfriend from his organic chemistry books to take him to Walmart so that we could check this simple little goal off of our list. To give you a visual for what kind of an endeavor this is (getting him to go to Walmart), please visualize the Looney Toons episodes where one character is dragging another character, whose claws are digging into the ground, creating rake-like marks across the carpet, grass, what-have-you. I assure you, it is not far from the truth. Robby hates Walmart. I’m using the word HATE here. He can’t enter the doors without twitching compulsively. I’ve actually heard the man hiss at some of the freak shows that lurk around that place. But it was almost twelve at night–and Walmart has everything, so we figured we’d bite the bullet so we could get rid of some boxes.
Walmart has everything, right? Yeah. We scowered that place for an hour. We even went into the little kid’s toys area just in case some half-retarded person misplaced the DVD racks. Nothing. We asked the employees AND NONE OF THEM KNEW WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT. We tried rephrasing. Robby asked “Excuse me, where are your DVD racks?” No comprende. “DVD cases?” “DVD !@#$% SHELF???” At that point, I pulled him away before he sprang on them. Yes, them. There were multiple people there who didn’t know what we were talking about. So we went home, disgusted with the dismal results of our attempt. I’d also like to note that, while we didn’t get a DVD rack, we did manage to get four more DVD’s from that suck-you-in-and-take-your-money bin.
So, since Robby’s birthday is coming up, I figured I’d just go and buy him one. Not only does he get a manner in which to store his DVD’s, but I am also saving him potential jail time at this point. Happy Birthday, honey, I love you. I decided to go to Super Target (also known as “Walmart for people who look in the mirror before leaving the house”) Again, I searched every department–every shelf. No DVD racks. At this point, given my recent realization that I’m no longer a “kid,” it comes to my conclusion that I may just be outdated as all get-out. I mean, I have a bunch of movies on my laptop. Maybe DVD’s and Bluerays are just a thing of the past. CD’s are less in vogue, right? OR, maybe everybody else on the planet already owns these elusive racks (including infants as they exit the womb), and so there is simply no demand for such a thing any longer. Still–they sell an awful lot of DVD’s and Blueray Disks, so there has to be SOMETHING.
At this point, I call my mother. I freak out on the phone, figuring that I’ve faded into the 8-track level of electronic prowess. She calms me down, as is her tendency, and patiently tells me to go to Bed Bath and Beyond.
OF COURSE!!! Bed Bath and Beyond!! They have everything–from Bedroom stuff, to Bathroom stuff–and BEYOND!!! They have three different types of egg poachers in there!! I’M SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And so I go there, to that wonderous place where they house everything you need (and don’t need…like three different gift sets for that dreadful Snuggie thing). I’m wandering around, looking at that hilarious shake-weight and the thousands of different coffee makers and cupcake decorating sets, when a salesman approaches me and politely asks me if he can help me find anything (suck it, Walmart). The conversation went as such:
Non-Walmart (and thus helpful) Sales Associate: “Can I help you find something, miss?”
Kara: “Yes, do you guys have DVD racks here?”
Non-Walmart (and thus helpful) Sales Associate: “Umm, actually no, we don’t.”
Kara: *blinks a few times* “You don’t?”
Non-Walmart (and thus…helpful…) Sales Associate: “Not this time of year, no. We only stock them when the college students move up.”
Kara: *twitching* “…when the college students move up…”
Sales Associate (at this point he loses his status): “Yeah, sorry.”
It’s not the %$#@! SEASON for DVD racks. Not the season. Evidently, my quest for Digital Video Disk storage is the electronic equivalent of wearing white after Labor Day.
Orlando, you have smote me again!! Your college-town mentality has truly permeated every possible venue throughout the city.
I finally went to Best Buy where, thank god, they are as fashionably out of sinc as I am. I found a massive DVD rack that will house all of the DVD’s we’ve collected thus far, as well as some of the ones I’m sure we’ll collect in the future.
I am now at Starbucks, drowning my sorrows in a chai latte.